Where is my wife?

I mean, seriously... it's 9:15. Where did she go? Oh, that's right, she's gone to bed for the night! And now it's 10:15 and my dog has gone to bed for the night (man, he loves to sleep!)...

Why am I still up?

Things are well with us. No more spotting of any sort and the symptoms continue. Heather was trying to be silly and funny at dinner tonight and was eating all of her green beans at once. I admit, they weren't cooked very well. We're trying to avoid canned food because of BPA so I, as the family chef, have had to get used to cooking fresh green beans... it's still a work in progress. Anyway, as I was saying, she was trying to be funny and eat them all at once... which was funny, until it made her gag and she almost lost her entire dinner.

Yes, folks, "morning" sickness appears to be looming. Right now it's holding off and is so far just an icky tummy and heartburn ALL THE TIME with only occasional bouts of nausea and near-puking before eating, and after eating, and apparently sometimes while eating. But, of course, you can't just avoid eating because it's when she's hungry as well!

Poor thing. She's such a trooper though, and stamped, stuffed, and wrote in all of our holiday cards tonight while I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to find missing addresses. (If you were expecting a card and don't get it, it's because we can't find your address!)

All in all, things are going very well and we're slowly sinking into the wonder and joy of this pregnancy and enjoying the holiday season.

OH! I almost forgot! Heather worked on our little plan for telling family today! It's almost all ready and we're so excited! We'll tell you all about it once we make it happen!

Darker than Control.

Today's post will not be an upper. Although it seems to end well, so maybe it will.

Yesterday I had some spotting.

I freaked out.

I cried and cried and cried. Kathryn comforted me, I was still scared. I felt really, really, really upset and scared and sad.

Then Kathryn brought out the rational. If we were having a miscarriage the hormones would have already stopped and gone before I started a horrible period. We should take a pregnancy test, just to reassure me.

The positive test line came up before the control line and was darker! Again Kathryn stated her rational about hormones and chemicals in the body. I tried to relax but needed to cry some more.

Today nothing. In retrospect it really was the teeny-tiniest bit of spotting, but I was so scared. I haven't had any in almost six weeks.

And dear, dear Kathryn, knowing my brain never stops churning, threw statistics at me today. 10% of miscarriages happen between weeks 4-6. Only 5% after week 6. Oh. I didn't know that. I haven't been worried but I kinda thought it was a 60-40 thing until around 12 weeks.

On Wednesday we'll be 6 weeks.

Big Snow!

So. Much. SNOW! Today was the Christmas Pageant and Holiday Brunch at church - but we missed it because of all. this. snow.

And? It's still snowing! Okay so there are only about five inches out there but next to no visibility for driving and church is a good twenty-five minutes away. Plus this storm is projected to get worse.

Aside from a trip out to play in the snow with Diggity we're inside today!

Last night I finished wrapping all of the gifts that have arrived so far. We're waiting on a few more but so far so good!

Today that leaves sewing. I'm going to make a quilt Darling. She has this one little quilt that her mom uses all.the.time. and I hate it. It isn't quilted or tacked anywhere allowing the two sides, top and bottom, to slide independently and wrinkle/fold in ugly, awkward ways. I enjoy quilting, would love to give them something for Christmas but what do they really need? And bought the fabric yesterday for a new quilt. I'll share photos as it develops. For now, the Diggity giving his serious, "I'm not that excited" face to the camera [because he was running so fast we couldn't catch the looks of pure joy with simple piece of advanced technology!

New Height.

We're thinking a lot about family with christmas so close and the Bumble on the way. We've only told two extended family members, not anyone nearby.

We're looking forward to telling everybody, we think there will be a lot of excitement and joy, but we want to do it just right. Make it special. And we haven't found the perfect way to do that.

We have a few ideas and a very limited time frame. And, oddly, there will be three extra people at our holiday celebration who will also find out. We aren't sure how we feel about that but we're going into with open minds. It's great to share celebrations with friends but it shouldn't hinder us from being a family.

As you can see from the photo I took at Easter this year, I am undeniably the most height-challenged of the group. Adding a baby will change that, but hopefully only temporarily. One of our donor qualifications was height. The one that made it came from a donor 6'4" tall. Believe it or not my own father was over six feet and my mother a good 5'6"-5'8". I'm just not very tall, my brother, pretty tall. We're hoping our baby will get the height I missed out on making it more like my in-laws than me!

Belly Belly Bo Belly

This picture is from April. Our trip to Paris. Behind us is Notre Dame. And it's a pretty good picture. Except for that belly. Look at that chubby round belly on me! I didn't weigh any more there than I do now. My tummy wasn't any smaller, actually it looks bigger. But I think it was the same. My issue though is clothes. Everything is uncomfortable. Despite having little change I can't handle any tummy-squeeze.

Jeans. It's cold. I like wearing them. They block a bit of this bitterly cold wind. But mine make me feel tortured. This week I've worn huge dress pants, that used to fit but since I've lost weight as just dumpy looking, and I've worn fleece activity pants given to me by a friend. Those were warmer but they still cut into my tummy a bit. Then, this morning, I did it. I put on the maternity pants we bought. I thought I'd have them when I was ready. I've made fun of friends wearing maternity clothes so early on. But I did it. I feel like a fraud.

It's silly really. I mean they are just pants. But I feel stupid, well, in theory I feel stupid and worried my boss might notice. But in physical reality? Oh my God! They feel so good! I haven't been this comfortable all week. I do wish they were a little thicker, it is a whopping ten degrees out there and, well, brrr! But the waistline, oh it's heaven. Heaven in a pant! The downside is how low that hidden panel goes. It's really, really hard to hide. I'm not a tall person, 5'1" on a good day, so I don't wear long tops. They make me look shorter AND wider. Covering this hidden panel is really challenging! I'm going to have to buy some long sweaters apparently.

I really am just the same as in that picture. I wish I could wear my clothes. But DAMN! these pants are so wonderful. Ahhhhhhh. Unfortunately the height to weight ratio puts me in a petite plus and nobody makes these so I have one pair. Maybe I should buy more of the same. Hmmm. They make three in my size, the black, I'm wearing, the khaki, not right, bad, bad look, too thin and very transparent, and one pair of jeans which weren't in the store so I haven't tried on. I may order them though.

Any other suggestions? Should I just wear my tight pants and get over it? They are really, really bad though. Really bad. Maybe suggestions other than wearing the old ones. Not sure I can handle that. And food. I love the food and weight-gain stories, ideas and suggestions. I really loved hearing that one of you gained most during first trimester than very little after. I really thought I'd lose during the first trimester giving me a safety window for the second and third. But I'm definitely not losing! I'm staying pretty steady, but not losing. And I can't bear the thought of starving the Bumble. I just couldn't do that. I'm going to be heavy no matter what and that's not the Bumble's fault. I just want to be active and aware so that I can have the least medical intervention possible. I've been reading and c-sections are much more risky for overweight people, more complications and concerns.

A Momentous Occasion?

Today may mark a momentous occasion (or may not, depending on my wife). I think, and I could be wrong, but I think that today will be the last time we are likely to be someone else's babysitters! Now, just to clarify, babysitting is very different from nannying. There are so many ways that it's different that I'm not even going to go into them all. That being said, Heather committed to two occasions of babysitting during the holiday season last month before we achieved a feat we had never previously accomplished (getting pregnant). Last weekend she spent the majority of Saturday out of the house and took care of a 2 year old and 6 month old. Tonight, after spending all day at work with her most loveliest of 6 month olds, she'll spend the evening with a nearly-3 year old and her 9 month old sister. Now, of course, all of these are great kids, and for the past 20 years we have both greatly enjoyed babysitting for so many children it would be impossible to count. However, with the incredible amount of exhaustion that Heather is experiencing and the long days she puts in at work, it may just be that the babysitting will end. There may not be anymore late nights and easy cash...

This could be the end of an era!

Starting to tell family

Today, unexpectedly and out of the blue, I told my Aunt S that we're pregnant. Now, you should know a little bit about this Aunt to understand this story. My mother grew up the oldest of two, though she knew that she had two older sisters that lived somewhere else with her father. Her father died when she was five, her brother when she was six, and her grandfather at some point around that age. She lost touch with her father's side of the family and didn't really know her older sisters at all. Her mother got re-married and had three more children with the man I knew as my Grandpa.

Sometime maybe ten years ago, my mom decided to try to find her sister (she knew by this time that one of her older sisters had died). Lo and behold, she actually found her and they have been amazingly close ever since! My Auntie S is a character! I love her! She's amazing! She told me today that she's turning 80 in May which I find completely impossible! She lives on her own, works, travels, has fun and has a great attitude about life. Unfortunately, Heather and I haven't seen her since we moved from California about five years ago. We have always planned that we will take our children to California to know their extended family, we just haven't gotten there yet (obviously!).

Today, just after I made our first midwife appointments* (more on that later), my cell phone rang as I was about to go down into the T station. It was a strange number, and I had no idea who it would be. I answered, they asked if it was Heather. I said yes (because I sometimes act as Heather on the phone with agencies), and she said it was Auntie S! I immediately told her it was me and explained that I thought it was someone calling that I had just been on the phone with as Heather.

She had called to ask about my mom's size for a Christmas present, and after we got that out of the way we were chatting and catching up and she mentioned wanting to come out here for a big visit next year. I told her that she should come out in September and she asked why that month in particular. So I told her that she absolutely had to keep a secret, and told her about the bumble! She was so excited that she couldn't even form sentences for a little while! She's as over the moon as we are! It was as perfect a moment as one could possibly imagine! She's so happy for us and said it's been way too long since there was a baby in her life! She's going to "save up pennies" so that she can come out in September to meet the baby and "get the oldest and the youngest members of our family together"!

I love my Auntie S!

*After finding out that the number one most desirable midwife/OB that Heather and I finally agreed upon was ALREADY BOOKED FULL! for our due date weeks (seriously, we're FIVE weeks along! who calls sooner than that?), we re-grouped and decided on a second choice. That makes it sound bad, but really, we're in Boston second best is still awesome! I'm so far very pleased and set our first appointment with a midwife for Jan 6th! Hooray! The practice is doctors and midwives, and you can choose to just have the midwives, so that's what we'll do!

Wow.

Today's post is an email. Directly quoted, from my mother in law. Completely "wow." It is a response to my response to her asking us to stay longer at Christmas.

Oh, Heather. You've made me cry -- IN A GOOD WAY! You and Kathryn have planned such a loving celebration, I wouldn't want to interfere with it in any way. I'm glad you took the time to explain your own hopes and I fully support them. I'm also glad we can talk to each other (albeit via email!) and the love we share comes across cyberspace and feels like a wonderful hug. We've come a long way, you and I. I'm proud to call you my daughter. Our grandchildren will be blessed to have you and Kathryn as their parents and I know they will be completely loved and cherished. Thank you for a wonderful way to begin my day. I love you.

It's too much. It made me cry! [damn hormones]